I’ve been thinking a lot about domestic violence lately. Both because of the different media reports and also my own experiences, as a professional and individual.
As a woman, I’ve had my share of friends, loved ones and even myself experience domestic discord, control and violence. It really can happen to anyone, no matter your race, education, socio-economic relationship. I truly believe we are not invulnerable and are one bad relationship away from a nightmare of abuse by a partner.
In one situation I know of, after many instances of verbal abuse, if you can believe it, the male aggressor calls the police. They attend the home. He is considered the victim, the complainant. After speaking with the male for ten minutes, hearing who knows what and barely speaking to the female for less than five minutes, the attending officers clear the call and while the woman is crying and asking for help, the officers leave the home, without taking the time to ask her if she needs help, or assessing the situation properly. If they had simply asked a couple of questions, they would have found out that in fact just before they arrived, the male had dragged her by her clothing, was threatening to hit her and had pushed her, an escalation in verbal abuse, leading to physical aggression, leading to assault. Why didn’t the woman report these things immediately? She was in shock and the attitude and demeanor of the attending officers was dismissive, and perhaps abusive towards her. In fact they told her that the male was the complainant and since they had his story and he was okay, they were done. After the police left, the woman reports the man tells her later in the day he will kill her if he remains in the home. And he spends the next while continuing to threaten her, escalating towards her and psychologically abusing her by intimidating her and telling her often “see, I told you I had rights.”
Those police officers failed that woman and they put her at-risk. As well as the child, who was home and exposed to this violence and aggression. The woman is forced to live with the man, as he continues to escalate towards her. There is nowhere to go. She has learned that the police will not protect her, or even listen to her. There are few shelters, some places have none. It isn’t even his home, but he won’t leave. So she is trapped in a situation where he could quite possibly kill her. And there is no help, beyond her small efforts to resist and create safety plans for herself and the child.
There are so many issues that come up, things are rarely cut and dried. I think one of the biggest that I see is the lack of training of police, lawyers and the Crown in matters of domestic violence, mental health, and violence risk assessment.
Like many frontline professionals, their workload is so high. Some may see this as a cop out, but as a professional on the frontlines, I have observed and experienced the cost of a high workload. What often happens is workers, who already have to numb and detach to see the horrors they see daily, begin to miss even glaring instances of dysfunctional and dangerous situations. It all just blurs into “one more call” to be cleared. One more report to be signed off. Because the reports and calls come quicker than anyone can possibly handle. With inadequate staffing and training, with a lack of experience, overwork and lack of proper supervision frontline staff make mistakes, make poor clinical judgments and decisions. And sometimes, this leads to a loss of life. The reports and statistics are there. Whether that is in reports from the Representative of Children & Youth, or murders of children by parents, murder-suicides. There is no need for any more government funds, or any others to be spent on reports, studies, or analysis. It is time to act and provide meaningful intervention, services and supports to families impacted by violence.
Domestic violence is not a racialized issue. Violence against women and children happens in every ethno-cultural community. The shame, betrayal and fear are universal for all victims and silence is reinforced by systemic failure to help victims. This is a gendered issue. I remember feeling shocked and horrified when listening to the Women’s committee at a very large labour gathering discuss the issue of domestic violence without every explicitly stating that it was violence by men towards women that was occurring. I actually felt betrayed and saw how structurally significant this was. That right there in the house of labour, supposedly a more equitable place where social justice was worked on, in solidarity, that these powerful woman leaders were placating and avoiding naming the violence and the perpetrators of the violence, as it is certainly uncomfortable to do so. I felt that those women betrayed every woman in that convention centre and all of the women around the world who are hurt, maimed and sometimes murdered by men, often those closest to them. Because, that silence allows it to continue. The lack of self-awareness and self-reflection of men, individually and amongst themselves allows violence towards women and children to propagate and be ever more reinforced. Men are the biggest part of the solution and we need men to stand up and say to each other they will not tolerate abuse, or violence towards women and children.
It would be easy to write this off as a man-bashing piece. It isn’t though. To the extent of the violence we see towards women, many of us can see and acknowledge the deep pain, anguish and suffering of men. Most of the time, that pain goes back to their childhood, where they were often unwitting and powerless witnessed to domestic violence in their own families. Many men are in desperate need of therapy, to feel understood, wanted, loved and protected themselves. Our yearnings as human beings are universal. Most of the time those yearnings are at the heart of these terrible acts of violence. Often part of the pattern in spousal murderers of the desperate need women have to leave their abusive partners, before they lose their lives. And as this leaving takes place, incrementally, these men become more and more mentally ill, driven by an unconscious, deep feeling of betrayal, fear and desperation not the be rejected and abandoned by their wives, often their only significant relationship in the world. Some men are narcissists, believing their children to be mere parts of themselves, under their control. Without the promise of the continuing “devotion” and attention of female partners and children, they may be driven to ever more extreme attempts to control their relationships and their environments. A very few might have psychotic disorders, or be psychopathic. Most, really are men driven to the extremes of their own pain and fear at loss of family connections and a lack of knowledge of where to get help and the deep shame of being unwell and requiring help. Many men are socialized to feel shame at their own feelings from childhood. Many learn to stuff it all down and mask it, alcohol, drugs, violence towards other, numbing, detachment from relationships.
It comes out eventually, as family members know.
Another issue that occurs for me is a complete lack of accountability for decision-making on the part of police officers attending domestic violence calls, as well as decisions to release abusers by the courts, or for the province for that matter. The inquest in Victoria is a brilliant example of that. Or the murder of the three children in Merritt. In both of those cases the police advocated for the abusers to be kept in jail. They both should have been and psychiatric assessments with complete violence risk assessments completed. If that was done, it is quite possible their children might be alive today. When women tell police, or the courts that they fear for their lives and don’t know how to keep themselves safe, perhaps the authorities might consider listening to that. Especially since most women experience years of escalating abuse before they come into contact with the authorities. And, often, as in the two cases I’ve referred to above, both abusers had previous, or current history of aggressive, or violent behaviour towards their spouses, or others. I think it may be time that some accountability is built into the criminal justice system. It is time for decision makers to be put on the stand to explain why they made decisions to release abusers. These aren’t just random acts of violence, or tragedy. Many of these incidents are preventable, that is if there is a public will to prevent them. Maybe victims, or their children, should start filing civil suits for negligence. All of these systems (police, courts) have a well-established duty of care, a solid principle in civil society and the courts. Sadly, it seems only when mistakes, errors and negligence have the potential to cost the authorities a lot of money do the “powers that be” make any significant changes. Just before the Honourable Wally Oppal became the Attorney General in 2005, at a First Call community advocacy meeting, I presented him with a verbal and written submission of changes and improvements I thought were necessary within the youth and adult criminal justice system. One of the most important I specified were increasing the funding to therapeutic services for male abusers. I was there speaking as a person who had been working in the child welfare system and in the community for over two decades by then, in various capacities. I was also speaking as a woman and as a citizen.
How to Improve & Change
It all starts with accountability, with structurally building equality into systems. It starts with creating and implementing public policies that enable families to obtain timely and meaningful intervention. Programs and shelters for women and children to leave family violence. Income assistance with no run around, so women are not financially at the mercy of their partners, which is so often the case. With police and court systems placing the highest priority on safety and protection from abusers. Training and professional development of police officers, Crown prosecutors, lawyers and judges. No tolerance for domestic violence from the police, from the courts. Lock abusers up, keep them in general population. There is something to be said for the natural justice of the treatment abusers experience in jail. Sounds primitive and lacking in compassion? I guarantee you the natural consequences of abuse and violence against abusers by other criminals will act as a deterent as it appeals to the deep self-interest and egocentric nature of many abusers. Abusers should receive much stronger and longer sentences, with mandatory violent offender treatment in prison. No mickey mouse programs, serious treatment, with evidence of progress and a shift towards understanding one’s behaviour, being accountable, or you do not get out. Restorative justice programs, where abusers and victims have an opportunity to be heard and take responsibility for behaviour.
Individual and group therapy for male abusers, in the community, especially early intervention services, prior to a serious escalation. Family therapy that is widely available and accessible to families from diverse socio-economic levels. Many victims of domestic violence truly do love their partners, but they fear for their lives and cannot tolerate abuse any longer. If meaningful family therapy was offered, many families would be able to receive the intervention and support they require to either safely reunite, or can separate in a less abusive way.
As a social worker, I have personally witnessed the amazing and humbling transformation of previous abusers so that families can remain intact after acts of abuse and violence. It really can change a person and a family to have an abuser understand their own pain, trauma, and abuse and consciously give up violence and control to join and connect in a more loving, caring and deep way with family members. These are just a few ideas, but they offer a start. I’m sure those working in this area of practice can offer much more than I can. I hope that we can all take a step forward and learn from mistakes, errors and tragedies of the past to create a better future for all families and create a much more civil society where we can all be safe and protected.
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Call for new law to protect kids: Call it 'Cordon's Law' after youngest Merritt victim, lawyers suggests
By Neal HallVancouver Sun, April 18, 2008.
Keeping Women Safe: Eight Critical Components of an Effective Justice Response to Domestic Violence
New Recommendations Could Save Lives of Domestic Violence Victims
BC Association of Specialized Victim Assistance and Counselling Services
Date: April16, 2008.
In any community, the critical components of a framework for an effective, specialized response to domestic violence must include effective, inclusive approaches to:
1. Managing risk and victim safety – including a comprehensive, coordinated approach to risk and safety assessment and victim safety planning
2. Offender accountability – including appropriate and consistent sentencing, consistent enforcement of protection orders, and accessible treatment for abusers
3. Specialized victim support – including comprehensive, proactive, and timely support with outreach and access for marginalized groups
4. Information-sharing – including consistent, timely information-sharing between agencies and with the victim, with particular emphasis on high-risk cases
5. Coordination – including coordination and collaboration at all levels among all relevant sectors, senior level leadership, and resources to adequately support a coordinated approach
6. Domestic violence policy – including adherence to a comprehensive justice system policy that applies to all justice system components and requires a consistent andinformed approach to charging, prosecution, and offender accountability
7. Use of specialized expertise – including specialized approaches such as dedicated justice system personnel and dedicated court time, adequately funded specializedtraining, and if they are considered an option, a carefully considered and principled approach to domestic violence courts.
8. Monitoring and evaluation – including monitoring and evaluation as an integral part of all the foregoing critical components and a systematic, comprehensiveapproach to collection, analysis, and publication of statistics across all justice system components.
http://www.endingviolence.org/files/uploads/NewsReleaseKeepingWomenSafe.pdf
BC Association of Specialized Victim Assistance and Counselling Programs (BCASVACP)
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